Many years ago a distant relative of mine was dropped off on my grandma’s porch by her then-husband. She was wheelchair bound and suffered from Multiple Sclerosis. When my grandmother answered the door, my relative’s husband told her that he couldn’t do it anymore. He couldn’t take care of his wife anymore and he never came back. My grandma took care of her until she passed away.
Today was my brother-in-law’s funeral. My oldest sister and him got married when I was 8. They barely knew each other. And had I been older than 8, I likely would’ve thought they were crazy for getting married so quickly after meeting. Early on, Ben was diagnosed with Lupus. Back then we were completely naive to the implications of the diagnosis. I watched for many years, 22 to be exact, as April and Ben navigated the symptoms of his disease. First it was him getting easily fatigued and sore from walking, then it was regular hospital stays for pneumonia, and it eventually progressed to kidney failure, heart and lung issues, and broken bones. I watched as they struggled mentally, physically, emotionally, and financially to care for Ben. There was judgement passed from outsiders, including myself, on how they navigated the challenges they faced. However, towards the end of his life when his health really took a downward spiral, I stood in awe and wondered how on earth he could find the will to go on. How he could find the joy in living. I wondered how April could find the perspective and strength to keep going. It felt like they were constantly getting challenges hurled at them. But her and Ben just kept going. Watching April care for Ben has been one of the greatest acts of selfless service and love that I’ve ever had the privilege to witness. Watching Ben persevere in times that I would not have, taught me what it really means to rely on the Lord and having faith in Him. There were countless hours that were spent with April at his hospital bed, behind his wheelchair, and literally buoying him up. Perhaps it was crazy that they got married so fast, or maybe it was that they were meant to be together for as long as possible on Earth and to walk through this refiner’s fire together.
I think we would all like to believe that we couldn’t ever be like my relative’s husband who dropped his wife off when her illness became too hard to bare. But I believe that there truly are very few of us who could’ve gone through what April and Ben went through without giving up. We’re all human and there really are angels among us. I’m grateful for Ben’s and April’s example, and for what they’ve taught me as I’ve had this front row seat to their lives. Ben lived a good one. And April is truly fire, passion, and determination. May we all find those angels in our lives, care for them, learn from them, and be like them.
*I want to add that in all that I went through with Ben, I gained a different perspective on this former relative and can understand how it was a lot and difficult for him to process and want to stay around. While I feel sad for my aunt and don't agree with his choice, I can have compassion for how he probably felt in his situation. ~April
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